Destiny....

Getting up this morning was difficult- but somehow I managed. I didn't get much sleep last night. I had a lot on my mind. I began thinking about life itself- what we can change, and what we can't. Are all our choices really half chance? Or do we conciously determine the fate of our lives? Did I really make the all the right choices in my life, or were they chosen for me? Did I really do the things I've done for my own good, or for the happiness of others? Many of my choices in life were made to please others. I've always felt the need to make others happy, to make their lives as comfortable as possible- and I've pushed myself back. I've delt with many losses in my life. The loss of my father. I was the "apple of his eye", his "baby". I wanted to make him happy. I wanted to be just like my sister. She was beautiful and perfect. She had it all together, and put forth no effort to make it that way. I've struggled and prayed to make my life what it is. Was it my choice to be who I am today? Or have the influence of others and divine intervention made me, me? I often wonder. I'm finally living for myself. I'm doing the things that make me happy. I'm helping others, and trying to make time for myself. I know the things that I want- but the question is, will I get them?



Fallen

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

Heaven bend to take my hand
With no where left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarrassed
Pretend that they don't see
That it's one missed step, one slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I've messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so

I've messed up
Better I should know
Don't come round here and
Tell me I told you so