Sleepless...

And it's catching up with me. I didn't go to bed at all last night. I just wasn't able to sleep. So much on my mind, so many things to deal with. As if Nick weren't enough to just make my Thanksgiving complete, my mother called last night. I love her dearly, and was so glad to hear from her and my sister. Momma called to check on me, and the usual "family talk", but I could tell there was something else she needed to say. I finally told her to just tell me straight out, don't dance around the subject. Two people from our church "back home" had passed away. George and Robin died within three days of one another. Robin's funeral is tomorrow, and George's on sunday. I'm just speechless. When you think things are bad, and can't get any worse- they can. I mean, I know they're no longer hurting, and they are at peace in a much better place than we can EVER dream of- it just hurts letting go. Especially letting go of Robin.

Robin was a troubled woman from her teenage years. She grew up a few houses down from my mother. Her mother, Jane, had asked momma to "hang out" with Robin, to be a good influence on her. Robin loved my mother dearly. She tried to be like her, but found herself falling back into the lifestyle of drinking and drugs all to often. Robin lived her life in and out of jail, rehab, and shelters across the United States. A year ago, Robin came home. She was finally tired of running. She handed her life over to Christ, and dedicated herself to her recovery. The saddest part is, it was too late for her body. The damage had been done. Her liver was destroyed. Cirrhosis had set in, and was progressing fast. She was going blind, as well as deaf. My mother had been helping care for her when she was able. Early last month, Robin was told her body was over-run with cancer. Treatment would not be of any use. Yesterday morning at 6:00am, Robin passed away. Even though it hurts losing her, she taught me a valuable lesson. It's never too late to change your life. No, she didn't have much time here on earth, but she insured herself a place in Heaven.

Working has helped me immensely. Focusing on caring for "Emma", "Ted", and "Lara" make things easier for me. When I'm caring for someone else, there's where my mind stays. I don't worry about things in my personal life, for those 8 or 12 hours, all that's on my mind is my patients and their care. "Emma" was still talking about her "Thanksgiving". She was so happy she was able to spend her day with Bobby and me. She said it was the best Thanksgiving she had ever had. I gave her a big hug. That lifted my spirits so much. It makes me feel so good to know that I'm bringing joy to someone else's life. "Ted" nor "Lara" are communicating with me, but I will never give up on them. I still read to them daily. I know in my heart they hear me, and maybe in whatever world they're in, they're happy. I like to believe they are anyway.

I'm finally getting sleepy. Maybe sleep will come to me tonight. No haunting dreams, no late night phone calls, no one to cause me grief. Just Chloe' and "Morris the cat", in my big fluffy bed. Sweet Dreams!