Time To Be Thankful...

I am thankful I had to work today. After the lovely dinner Susan prepared for us, I received a phone call that I never expected. Nick. A man I loved dearly, a man who is married. He's bad for me in everyway possibly, yet his memory haunts me. I've never loved anyone the way I loved him. I'm not a home-wrecker, nor will I ever be. When I found out he was still married, I was devistated. It had to end, even though my heart was breaking in the process. He called me simply to play with my mind, to break me. He almost succeeded.

"So I'll begin not to love you...
Turn around, and see me runnin'
I'll say I loved you years ago...
And tell myself you never loved me... No...
Don't say that she's pretty...
And did you say that she loves you...
Baby, I don't wanna know... Oh no...
And can you tell me... was it worth it...
Baby, I don't wanna know...

Time cast a spell on you, that you won't forget me...
I know I could've loved you but you would not let me"


I finally hung up on him. I spent the rest of my night in tears, wondering what I had done that was so wrong. Why he had to call me now, and torment me to no end. It was the same shit, different year. I should never have answered the phone. Thank God I have my work. Seeing "Emma" today made things so much better. She was so thankful that I was working today. Her smile brightened my day.

Bobby came by and spent most of the day with "Emma". I hope I didn't offend him. I wasn't in a very talkative mood, not like my normal self. I was hurting, but trying to put on my best happy face to keep "Emma's" spirits up. She's a dear woman, and I refuse to let my personal problems affect my mood at work. Nick isn't worth the tears I cried over him. He wasn't then, and isn't now. Bobby was trying to be very polite, making conversation. That's the most I've ever heard the man speak. I just wasn't feeling it. I finally excused myself and left to check on other patients. I sat with "Ted" for a long while. I read the sports page to him, and a few of articles from the new Sports Illustrated. From what I understand he was a big sports fan before entering Carmel Ridge. He's never communicated with me in any form, but I have to believe that he can hear me, and understands.

I came home tonight to an empty apartment. I pushed the one man I know I need- away from me. I didn't want to deal with him, or anyone else. I'm so selfish. I should've been thankful that he actually acknowledged my existence. I have so much to be thankful for- my family, friends, health, a good job, a roof over my head, food on my table, clothes on my back, and the fact that I'm able to worship in whatever way I choose. That's what I need to focus on and always remember. Not just because it's the title of a holiday, but because it's the right thing to do. How could I forget Phillp Morris? He helps me get through the day. I probably shouldn't be thankful for him, but I am.

Thanks- to all of my friends. I appreciate the time you spend here with me, and the support you've given me. It means a lot, now, and always...