The Big Scare...

After such a magical night last night, this was the last thing Bobby needed. We stayed out so late, his regular visit to his mother was pushed back. I know he's feeling so guilty, because I feel the same way. I was off today. No one was there with her. At 10:45 am, she was rushed from Carmel Ridge to Putman hospital with signs of a stroke. When Tracey called me, my heart dropped. I began to cry, and in a panic, rushed around my apartment looking for a clean pair of scrubs. Tracey could hear in my voice I was crying, and I was scared. She told me not to come, there was nothing I could do. The roads were too bad, and I would only endanger myself, which is the last thing "Emma" needs. She needs me safe and well to be there for her when she returns. The tears rolled down my face, thinking about "Emma" being alone, sick, and scared.

I knew Bobby wasn't there. He told me last night before leaving that he would be visiting "Emma" later in the afternoon, instead of his early morning/afternoon visit. I called him. I knew he had to be beside himself. He could hear in my voice that I had been crying- that I felt the same guilt that he did. He didn't want to be alone. I put on some clothes, and went to his apartment. When I walked through the door, the look of anguish on his face brought me to tears. The same guilt that was in my heart, was in his- only multiply that times ten. I opened my arms to him. Holding him, knowing he was hurting so badly, and knowing I'm the only other person in this world who loves her as much as he does.

After what seemed like forever, he broke the embrace. We went to sit on the couch. I explained to him, that from what Tracey described, it only seemed to be a TIA, or mild-stroke. Hopefully, it's just a scare. Aside from wanting someone there who understood his pain, I knew exactly why he wanted me there. He had to call his brother. It's no secret, they've not been on good terms for years. The only common ground Bobby has with him, is their mother. The call. It wasn't pretty. His brother blamed him for not being there, for neglecting her. I could've climbed right through that phone and strangled him with my bare hands. How DARE him say Bobby neglects "Emma". He's been nothing but good to her, loving her, making her as comfortable as possible. "Emma" is one of the most cared for patients I've EVER tended to- including my own family.

He was so upset, overwhelmed with guilt and sorrow. I got call on my cell. It was Tracey. They ran some general tests, everything was fine. No brain damage. It was a TIA after all, not a full blown stroke. The blood thinner she was on, wasn't the correct medication. They're re-evaluating all of her medications, and have her on a "watch". She's being kept overnight for observation, and will be released back to Carmel Ridge in the morning if everything checks out ok. Finally, Bobby and I can both breathe. I sat holding his hand. Not a word was spoken for a long while after that. He knew she would be ok. She was going to be fine. I finally looked up at him saying, "It's ok, there's nothing you could've done to stop this". He hugged me, thankful for the support. Knowing there truly was nothing that could've stopped and/or prevented what happened. I know he's still feeling guilty, as I am as well. It's something that can't be helped.

I work in the morning, and promised to call him as soon as I get to work. I'll go pick her up at the hospital myself if I have to- he'll know she's going to be ok. I could tell he needed to be alone, so I got up, giving him a hug, and told him everything would be ok, and to call me if he needed anything. He did call me a few minutes ago, just to thank me again for being there for him, and for supporting him. I will always support him, and "Emma". They're two people who are worth it all.