The Metamorphosis of Chloe' Gardner

Work was tiring. When I arrived home, I was drained- mentally, physically, and emotionally. Working with the mentally ill takes so much out of me. I care too much- that's my problem. I bring work home with me constantly. I worry. I wonder what I could be doing to help them more than I already do. I try so hard to understand why they're ill- what caused the illness. Are we all just one chromosome away from insanity? What exactly causes "the break?" Is it inevitable? Were these people born, predestined to be ill, or was it a result of external circumstances or trauma? We may never know, and that in itself, drives me crazy.

Trying to turn off my brain is so hard. I have to keep busy, and find things to distract myself while I'm at home, even more so when I'm alone. On my last day off, I went through my closet and pulled out a box of photographs. Some made me laugh, some made me cry. Each photo captured a moment in time that was precious to me- a moment I can never get back, but am able to relive whenever I wish.

I decided to start scrapbooking, so that I would be able to share my memories with friends and family. I found pictures from cheerleading camp in high school, and my confirmation at church. Pictures of me partying hard with my sorority sisters at UT, and the sweet smile of victory at Miss Tennessee. The look of pride was captured forever when my lamp was lit, and my hat placed on my head when I graduated from nursing school. Family, friends, memories- moments in time that I treasured, all lay before me on my living room floor. I was completely overwhelmed. I saw the complete metamorphosis of Chloe' Gardner in a matter of minutes. A change that has taken over twenty years to complete is visible just by simply looking at a series of photographs.

As I began putting pictures in their respective albums, I came to the last pile. As I looked through them, I began to cry. The first picture, was one of me, dancing with Bobby. I didn't even know his name, who he was, or what he did for a living, all I knew was I was in the arms of the most intriguing man I'd ever met. What a mystery he was, and, well, still is for that matter. In two months, it will have been one year ago that we first met by chance at 515. The ups and downs we've been through, I can't even begin to describe. Has the ride been worth it? Absolutely. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.