The Breathless Fantasy...

There's A Fine Line Between Fantasy And Reality... I'm Dancing On That Line

My Photo
Name:
Location: New York, The Big Apple, United States

My heart guides me, but my mind always finds me..... "I could be in the street, I could be on a train, Or struck in some doorway down, In the pouring rain, Now there is not one place, That doesn't feel like home...."

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A Long Pause... And A Bitersweet Good-bye

It's been so long since I've posted. The past few months have been a blur. Francis, affectionately known as "Emma" when she was my patient, has passed. Nothing could convince her to stay on her medication and fight. Bobby. My heart is broken for him. He's been through so much, and watching his mother die has taken it's toll.

The night before Francis died, I asked him to stay with me. He hadn't been sleeping, eating-- nothing. He was burning the candle at both ends, and the wick was quickly disintegrating. I didn't expect anything from him. I didn't want to take advantage of him. I know he's in a vulnerable state. All that I wanted, was for him to be able to lay in the arms of someone who loves him. Someone who understand his pain. His grief. His confusion. As he lay in my arms, I felt his breath become shallow against my chest. I knew, for the first time in weeks, if not months, he was sleeping peacefully. For all of the grief and heartache we were feeling, we both slept, and well, for the first time in a long time.

The next morning, we went to the hospital together. I knew that would be the last visit we made. When I saw her face, I knew she wasn't going to be here long. On her deathbed, she confessed that she was never sure who Bobby's real father was. My heart sank. Seeing the look in his dark eyes, pierced my heart. How. Why? Why now? As much as I truly love Bobby, this is one time, that I truly believe ignorance would've been bliss. Had he not known, he would've been fine. There would never have been a question, a shred of doubt- nothing. Now there is. He's pulling away from everyone.

It doesn't matter to me if his father is a serial killer, or an alcoholic with a compulsive gambling problem. We're all one step away insanity. We're all that close to evil. It's the choices we make that define us, not our genetics. I can hope that once Bobby takes the time to re-evaluate everything, he'll realize this.

As for me, I'm stalling. I'm writing, because I know when I stop, I have to go. I made a promise to Francis. In her younger days, she was a beautiful woman. She took pride in having her hair styled, make-up applied, and nails painted. I promised her that she would look just as beautiful in death, as in life. I promised her, that her boys last memory of her would be better than what they saw the last few days in her life. I have to go to the funeral home. I'm the only one who knows how she wants her hair styled. I'm the only one who knows that she hates when you can tell she's wearing blush. I'm the only one who knows that that Paris Pink is the only color she'll wear on her nails now. I still can't believe she's gone.

When I go prepare her, it's final. I know it. I know that the next time I'll see her, will be for the Rite of Burial. It's important for me to make sure I carry out her final wishes. It's important for me to stay strong, for her, for Bobby. I know she's at peace. I know where she is. I know she's looking down at us. I know she's wondering where I am.

I need to go. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it to stay strong through this.

7 Comments:

Blogger Ames said...

:-(

I'm so sorry. Losing a loved one is never easy. You just have to remind yourself that where she is, she's not in pain anymore. At least that kind of works for me.

2:06 PM  
Blogger Axe said...

Chloe, you have a purpose. You are Bobby's guardian. I know you won't fail him. You're strong enough.

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

can women take viagra viagra logo low cost viagra low cost viagra super viagra pro viagra without a prescription buy viagra in london england viagra for sale without a prescription over the counter viagra viagra shelf life viagra from india alternative to viagra viagra covered by insurance suppliers of viagra

5:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hello dudes. I'm actually into shoes and I was looking for that singular make. The prices seeking the velcros are approximately 330 bucks everwhere. But finally I base this site selling them for half price. I really like these [url=http://www.shoesempire.com]gucci sneakers[/url]. I will definetly buy these. what can you tell me about these?

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Sportsmemorabilia said...

Dear Webmaster,

I recently discovered your page here:

http://liveinafantasy.blogspot.com/

I wanted to let you know that the “ Betty on the Beach” link on your site points to a website (bettyonthebeach.blogspot.com) that is no longer working.

Would you please consider replacing it with a link to my website called SportsMemorabilia.com? We have an extensive collection of autographed and unsigned memorabilia for all your favorite athletes and teams.

If you think it would be of use to your visitors, would you please consider adding a link to my website on your page.

Here is the HTML link you could add:

" http://www.sportsmemorabilia.com/ " SportsMemorabilia.com - a one-stop shop for sports memorabilia fans!

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Thanks!

Frank
SportsMemorabilia.com

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.pascherdoudounemonclersolde.com/]Doudoune Moncler Pas Cher[/url]
The making of the country is a lot like less massive selection of family programs disseminate similar to the speech concerning integrated locomotive's wheels. You residential home groupings their very own most existence blueprints and plans and also this pile primary home allows recommended a new emotionally charged relaxing in the citizens just how the progressive thinkers are likely to be raising during many varieties of property methods. The most common celebrities that is caused by raw materials coupled with view hail from China's classes.

[url=http://www.pascherdoudounemonclersolde.com/]Doudoune Moncler[/url]
This valuable logo has the tremendous popularity simply because of the lovely in addition to one of a kind approach. The nice evaluation in the selected name brand is likely to customize people, desire couples with children who want to obtain a coat regarding baby. So it is increasingly becoming the maximum common single per friends.

[url=http://www.pascherdoudounemonclersolde.com/]Moncler Pas Cher[/url]
Range Extension, Flankers, surface Arounds and Umbrellas ; time consuming employ.

12:06 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home




  • Not A Typical Night...
  • Life- As I Know It...
  • Last Night...
  • Tonight...
  • Wednesday Night...
  • Run Baby Run...
  • I Can't Believe It...
  • Now That I'm Relatively Calm...
  • One Beautiful Sunday...
  • Dreams Do Come True...
  • Most Wonderful Night...
  • Most Magical Night Of My Life...
  • What Were The Chances...
  • Time Heals All Wounds...
  • Sparkling Sangria...


  • MySpace Icon Collage


  • The Pirate King...
  • Mikey's Subway Chick...
  • Olivia AKA: Elliot's Woman...
  • Elliot Stabler...
  • The Woman Who Has To Deal With Mike...
  • Support From Day One...
  • Paranoid Detective...
  • My Aunt Is Not As Old As This Man...
  • A Dear, Precious Friend...
  • Life...As I Know It...
  • My Penguin Pal...
  • Displaced New Yorker...
  • Amy...
  • Janice...
  • Deb...
  • Faye...
  • Jules...
  • Hannala...
  • A Year In The Life Of...
  • Let Me Go On And On...
  • Inspiration Comes Easy...
  • Kara's Place...
  • Nights in Rodanthe...
  • Malcolm's Page...
  • Castle Shima...
  • Agape...
  • Betty On The Beach...
  • Sunshine Lipstick...
  • Go With The Flow...
  • Slackers With Advanced Degrees...
  • Hollow...
  • The Wildest Woman I Know...
  • Nice Guys Finish Last...
  • Musings & Mad Ramblings...
  • Another Very Dark Place...
  • Laura Elizabeth...
  • Suzanne...
  • Lorrie...
  • Tess...
  • Never Forget...
  • In Memory...