Epiphany.....

Sitting alone in my apartment tonight, I realized something. My "mystery man"- what is it that's making me cling to him? Being raised in the south, we learn at an early age how to open doors with just a smile. It's assumed that if you're beautiful and confident, you can have whomever you wish. I've lived my life under this false impression. I'm used to having who I want, when I want them. Getting a man has always been natural to me, as natural as my next breath of air. I'm not used to losing control- having someone else calling the shots. He's knocked me down a notch- brought me back to reality. I have no control over him or this situation. I know nothing, he knows everything. He's turned the tables on me. He controls me. He keeps me close enough to know what he needs, but distant enough to be "safe". He needs to be safe. I need to be safe. I keep his photograph and I know it serves me well. I've never wanted anything so much in my life, just a chance- a chance at something magical. Sparks flew that night, we both felt it... But now, he's taken my control, and I'm left with nothing. He's strong enough- he's strong enough to be my man. Cigarettes: 22, I've got to stop...