The Space Between...
"You cannot quit me so quickly
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain..."
3:00am the phone rings. A phone call I never expected to receive. The 278th returned home yesterday after a year in Iraq. It's been three years since I last spoke with Brad. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about him. He meant a lot to me, I loved him. What happened? Where did we go wrong? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe he'll never know. We told each other that it was for the best. We both wanted different things. He wanted a career in the military, and I wanted stability. Two different paths to be followed. He told me how hard things had been in the past year. He poured his soul out to me, the one person he knew would listen and not judge him. He told me he had half a feeling I'd be waiting for him as the busses pulled up, waiting for him to come home. He'd debated all night long whether or not to call me...
"But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play..."
After hours of debating, picking up the phone and hanging it right back up, he finally dialed my number. He knew immediately I would think something was wrong with Susan or Maria, they're the only one's who have EVER called me at that un-Godly hour.
"We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain..."
After assuring me everyone was fine, and going through the awkward how've you been phase, he began asking the tough questions. Like, where did we go wrong, why did we not make it- why was love not enough?
"Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down..."
Sometimes, love just isn't enough. There are just some people who aren't meant to be together. Me- and Brad... It just wasn't meant. I do love him, deeply. He's a wonderful man, with a wonderful heart. He has so much to offer a woman. He just doesn't understand why a man in his late thirties is alone. I wish I could tell him.
"The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get tickled
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain..."
I wish I could turn back time, and right the wrongs between us, fix the things that are broken, but I can't. I told Brad I loved him, but we can't be together. I have no idea how I held myself together when he told me looking at my picture was the only reason he woke up in the morning after seeing so much death and despair in the desert. I promised him, I'd always love him, and he would be safe in my heart- but there's someone out there for him. He just has to find her. I know I hurt him, and that kills me. I just know we weren't meant. Deep down inside, he knows that too. War does strange things to people. Brings out emotions that have been laying dormant in the darkest crevices in our soul. I cried for over an hour after hanging up with Brad. I did the right thing. Why does it hurt so badly? I can't stand hurting someone else- it's not me. I pray his heart will heal with time... Cigarettes, 31- Not good.
"The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between... "
Is no hope in you for me
No corner you could squeeze me
But I got all the time for you, love
The Space Between
The tears we cry
Is the laughter keeps us coming back for more
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain..."
3:00am the phone rings. A phone call I never expected to receive. The 278th returned home yesterday after a year in Iraq. It's been three years since I last spoke with Brad. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about him. He meant a lot to me, I loved him. What happened? Where did we go wrong? Maybe I'll never know. Maybe he'll never know. We told each other that it was for the best. We both wanted different things. He wanted a career in the military, and I wanted stability. Two different paths to be followed. He told me how hard things had been in the past year. He poured his soul out to me, the one person he knew would listen and not judge him. He told me he had half a feeling I'd be waiting for him as the busses pulled up, waiting for him to come home. He'd debated all night long whether or not to call me...
"But will I hold you again?
These fickle, fuddled words confuse me
Like 'Will it rain today?'
Waste the hours with talking, talking
These twisted game we play..."
After hours of debating, picking up the phone and hanging it right back up, he finally dialed my number. He knew immediately I would think something was wrong with Susan or Maria, they're the only one's who have EVER called me at that un-Godly hour.
"We're strange allies
With warring hearts
What wild-eyed beast you be
The Space Between
The wicked lies we tell
And hope to keep us safe from the pain..."
After assuring me everyone was fine, and going through the awkward how've you been phase, he began asking the tough questions. Like, where did we go wrong, why did we not make it- why was love not enough?
"Look at us spinning out in
The madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil
In a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love
Is hope we don't take this ship down..."
Sometimes, love just isn't enough. There are just some people who aren't meant to be together. Me- and Brad... It just wasn't meant. I do love him, deeply. He's a wonderful man, with a wonderful heart. He has so much to offer a woman. He just doesn't understand why a man in his late thirties is alone. I wish I could tell him.
"The Space Between
Where you're smiling high
Is where you'll find me if I get tickled
The Space Between
The bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls
Splash in your heart
Ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between
Our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain..."
I wish I could turn back time, and right the wrongs between us, fix the things that are broken, but I can't. I told Brad I loved him, but we can't be together. I have no idea how I held myself together when he told me looking at my picture was the only reason he woke up in the morning after seeing so much death and despair in the desert. I promised him, I'd always love him, and he would be safe in my heart- but there's someone out there for him. He just has to find her. I know I hurt him, and that kills me. I just know we weren't meant. Deep down inside, he knows that too. War does strange things to people. Brings out emotions that have been laying dormant in the darkest crevices in our soul. I cried for over an hour after hanging up with Brad. I did the right thing. Why does it hurt so badly? I can't stand hurting someone else- it's not me. I pray his heart will heal with time... Cigarettes, 31- Not good.
"The Space Between
What's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between
Your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with time
The Space Between... "
posted by Chloe' Gardner | 1:58 PM
3 Comments:
God's already forgiven us all, the only thing keeping us from heaven is ourselves. Forgiving ourselves and others is critcal to the final outcome . Do it before it's too late for everyone involved.
God Bless You!!!!!
I have a few friends that have come home and they are, to be honest, totally fucked up shells of what they were. I played a local show here and I played a song that I wrote called "Mr President"(totally anti-war), and I had an old friend of mine introduce his new GF's brother, fresh from Mosul. I shook his hand, and all that he could say was, "Thanks for saying what a lot of us have been thinking". I bought him a beer, and had to roll, but that really stuck with me.
Sometimes we can't force love. We may want a future, but love won't always follow us where we want to go.
i can never understand how or why love cannot be enough ...
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