Thinking....

I'm so lazy! I didn't get out of bed until 11:00am! I've slept my day away! Oh well, I suppose we all deserve some time to just be a "lazy daisy". Susan stopped by the deli on the way over to my apartment. I'm so glad she did! I was starving! She and Ethan had a hot date last night. She's been seeing quite a bit of him since Halloween. He seems to be a really good guy. I'm so happy for her. It's time she finally had some happiness in her life. She's spent so much time helping others, and trying to make them happy, that so often she put herself on the backburner. She looks better than she ever has- she's finally taking care of herself.

Ethan has to work graveyard tonight, and she wanted to go out. I haven't been to 515 in awhile, so it will be a welcome change of scenery. As I sat in my comfy recliner, I realized something that paralyzed me with fear. Susan snapped me back into reality by telling me I looked like I had seen a ghost. I can't run anymore. I can't run from Bobby. He knows who I am, and where to find me. Now, if I see him, I have to face him. I can't be afraid of what I want, and might not have. I have to stand up and look it straight in the eye.

If I see him tonight, I have to talk to him. I can't look at him and run anymore. How am I going to handle this? Knowing he's "Emma's" son, doesn't change how I feel about him, and what I want. Until I found out, I was able to fight it. To put him in the darkest corner of my mind, and not bring him out, unless I happened to see him. But now, that's all changed. I have to face the reality, that I may not only see him at the bar, but at work as well. He may be a more constant figure in my life than I had counted on.

All I can do is leave up to God above. Maybe this is what I've been waiting for, for so very long. I don't know. I just know I didn't expect any of this to happen this way. What were the chances? Slim to none? I'm still in awe thinking about it. I think I'll give my brain a rest! Maria had brought a costume over for me to mend, so I think I'll get out my sewing kit and get to work. I'm glad to have something to distract me for the time being.