The Subject Is Love and Sex...
After reading this post by Deb. I opened my eyes, realizing just how much more there was to love and sex than I had allowed myself to think about. In society, today, we place so much emphasis on sex. We think there can't be a relationship without sex. Sex is the ultimate. No. Sex isn't the ultimate. It's about much more than just "getting off". If you've really gotta "get off", there's plenty of things out there that can help you do so without having to bring another person into the picture.
For many years, as a virgin, I felt like the odd woman out. Constantly being pressured by friends, because "everyone is doing it", and "it's what men want". What happened to love and respect? What happened to really getting to know one another before taking the next step in a relationship. What happened to love? Lust took over. We've allowed lust to get in our way. We've allowed others to decide what's right for us. I, too, caved into the "sensationalism" of it all. I let go of the morals I held true to, to fit in- to be the worldly woman everyone else wanted me to be. I regret that. I'm an individual.
Maybe I am a "goody two shoes". Maybe I don't give of my body freely to just anyone who wants a piece. But when I do give of myself, I give totally, without reservation. I know how to please and be pleased. To quote Deb "It's about quality, not quantity". The best lovers aren't necessarily the one's who've had the most experience. With that being said, I know what I want and what I like. I know what I don't like. I know that my personal beliefs in sex and relationships are what some would call "old fashioned" or "conventional". Up until recently, I was able to look at myself in the mirror without shame and regret, because I stood up for my convictions. I gave of myself when things felt secure and "right".
Basically what I'm saying is this, so what if everybody's doing it? So what if that's what they expect. Do what YOU expect of YOURSELF. Be true to YOU. No matter what choices you decide to make, make sure, ultimately, you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror the next morning and be ok with who you are- regardless.
Always remember- after the sex is over, it means much more to have someone to talk to that gets you, than someone you keep looking at wishing they'd leave.
For many years, as a virgin, I felt like the odd woman out. Constantly being pressured by friends, because "everyone is doing it", and "it's what men want". What happened to love and respect? What happened to really getting to know one another before taking the next step in a relationship. What happened to love? Lust took over. We've allowed lust to get in our way. We've allowed others to decide what's right for us. I, too, caved into the "sensationalism" of it all. I let go of the morals I held true to, to fit in- to be the worldly woman everyone else wanted me to be. I regret that. I'm an individual.
Maybe I am a "goody two shoes". Maybe I don't give of my body freely to just anyone who wants a piece. But when I do give of myself, I give totally, without reservation. I know how to please and be pleased. To quote Deb "It's about quality, not quantity". The best lovers aren't necessarily the one's who've had the most experience. With that being said, I know what I want and what I like. I know what I don't like. I know that my personal beliefs in sex and relationships are what some would call "old fashioned" or "conventional". Up until recently, I was able to look at myself in the mirror without shame and regret, because I stood up for my convictions. I gave of myself when things felt secure and "right".
Basically what I'm saying is this, so what if everybody's doing it? So what if that's what they expect. Do what YOU expect of YOURSELF. Be true to YOU. No matter what choices you decide to make, make sure, ultimately, you'll be able to look at yourself in the mirror the next morning and be ok with who you are- regardless.
Always remember- after the sex is over, it means much more to have someone to talk to that gets you, than someone you keep looking at wishing they'd leave.
posted by Chloe' Gardner | 6:11 PM
16 Comments:
Well spoken, or written I should say.
The world could use some more of those "old fashioned" values.
"Innocence lost is never regained."
But there is still hope for those who've lost their innocence.
wow.................this is how I feel to a t. Thanks for expressing it :)
I'm putting you in my links :)
Beautiful words and they could not be more true. Thanks for posting this! :)
Bits and pieces are what we get here on earth. Those worldly things we have that give us little glimpses of what heaven will be like.God gives us free will to make something good or bad. The closer we stay to God the more we appreciate these things. If we distort the good things we are closing the door on God.In the end LOVE is all you have. Great Post..
God Bless you
In my earlier post I left a quote which may have left you feeling condemned, which was not my intent. If it did I offer my apologies. It is a quote that youth ministers and other counselors use to try to keep teens from taking that first step into promiscuity.
Who among us hasn't failed?
Wow Chloe, this was an amazing post...and thank you for referring to what I said...I appreciated that. {{hugs}}
You know, I think a lot of people look for that instant 'high' they get at 'stage one' of love---the butterfly feeling, the passion, the intense sexual connection---but they seek it out so much, that when it finally comes to stage 2 of their relationship, most couples break up...because the 'passion' isn't there, or so they think it's not. They've become 'familiar' with it, and no longer wish to continue their relationship with this person. It's kind of sad.
I loved this post- and LOVE the way you write...thanks Chloe!
Excellent post, dear one. There are so many of us that cant distinguish one from the other.
I felt exactly the same way. A couple of years ago I thought that sex was clouding my judgement and preventing me from finding what I really wanted in my life. You're absolutely right. People have put way too much emphasis on it.
seems a very popular subject this weekend .... glad to see love get a mention
lotsa luv ann xxxxx
I enjoyed this post. Everyone has regrets. That one (or 10 million) thing(s) they wish they had done differently.....Moving past them and redefining yourself is part of maturation process.....What a bitch, huh? I love you, Chloe. And you will always be a sweet and caring person. I don't think anything could change that.
I agree 100%. However, having someone there to cuddle with for a few minutes is better than nothing at all.
Well....sometimes.
No matter how hard we try, no matter how evolved we think we are, we're all just members of the animal kindgom, dear. We'd all like to have been in love with out first. Some of us were, some not, some thought they were in love. While we're conscious of our behavior to a certain point, there comes a time when all bets are off and we're operating on instinct. Mistakes teach us. It's ok to make them. We all want you to feel better, luv. You're not alone.
And, really, try not to sleep with someone who's got a laundry marker and delusions of artistry.
Makes looking in the mirror waaay hard.
You know this week's NY Magazing's "Mating" section discusses this exactly? Quality over quantity, etc. You should pick it up. Not overly insightful or earth-shattering, but at least you're not the only one thinking about it.
Here's the link:
http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/nightlife/sex/columns/mating/15427/index.html
Why did it get cut off? Let's try this again...
http://www.newyorkmetro.com/nymetro/nightlife/sex/columns/mating/15427/index.html
Dag nabbit - I give up.
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