Day From Hell...

I met Chuck for lunch today. I wanted to meet on neutral territory. I figured that was the best thing to do. Maybe he wouldn't cause a scene if I met him in public. Oh. No. I met him right down the street from my apartment, a little diner that I was familiar with- just in case. I explained to him that I had enjoyed his company, that we had some good times, but I'm not ready for a relationship, and didn't appreciate our affairs being the talk of the police department.

Of course, he denied ever saying a word. Right. He kept swearing it was because of the phone call. No. Well, yes, that's part of it. It's more to do with the fact that I feel nothing for this man, and I'm not attracted to him. Yes, he's an attractive man, he's got a good career, is financially stable, and was crazy about me- but he's an ass. The true definition of a pig. He's so arrogant, he can't fathom why I wouldn't want to see him anymore.

Then, he threw Bobby into the mix. It's all about that other "dick", as he referred to him. That did it. This wasn't about Bobby. It was about me, and Chuck- and all the drama we've been through in a matter of a couple of weeks. It's only been a couple of weeks- he's acting like we were together for three years or something! C'mon- let it go!

I'd finally had enough. I paid the waitress, and told Chuck good-bye, and not to call me anymore. He made a scene, screaming about how I'd be back, and I'd be sorry- that he was the best thing that's ever happened to me that, and I quote, "Bobby Goren can have you, you're just damaged goods now". Great. The whole friggin' cafe heard every word. I was mortified. I ran out and down the block to my apartment. I sat there in tears for over an hour.

What did I do to deserve this? I honestly tried not to lead him on. I told him we'd made a mistake on New Year's Eve, that I wasn't like that. I'm not a complete prude, but I'd prefer to know someone- have a connection with them before hopping into bed. He acted all understanding, then went behind my back and talked about me like some common trash! He's a 47 year old man! Not some 16 year old boy! I- I'm just stunned.

At least it's over. I'm finished with him- he's out the door. As much as I hate admitting it- Mike is right. So what if Chuck was the first. So I screwed up. I have other chances. Just because he wasn't "Mr. Right", my world won't end. I have plenty of chances with whomever I wish. I just have to be more careful- next time. I've learned a lot from the experience. No things don't always turn out like we've planned, and when things go wrong, we must learn and go on.

I tried calling Bobby. I just wanted him to know things are over between me and Chuck and to keep his ears open. I know he's probably going to be talking some trash about me, and I'd like to know what's going on. I got his voicemail. I don't know what's going on with him. He was really cold, really distant yesterday. It wasn't like him at all. I don't understand, but I'm going to give him some space. He'll call me when he's ready to talk. It's just hard. I'm used to talking to him almost daily.

Maria called a few minutes ago, she has rehearsal tonight. I'm going to stop by. I didn't even ask what play she's working on- doesn't really matter, I just need to get out of the house. Cigarettes: 28, I'm back up there again.