Exhaustion....

It's 2:00am, and no sleep. I've had so much on my mind, my job, Brad, my friends, and... I'm not even going to say his name. I'm trying to push him out of my mind, it's not doing me any good looking at his picture. I put it away today. I can't look at him, not right now. After the past few days, I'd been looking forward to a good night's sleep. I went to lay down around 11:00pm, just as I drifted off to sleep, the phone rang. It was Carmel Ridge. "Emma" was having some sort of breakdown, screaming for me over and over. They were attempting to sedate her, and knew if I could come in, I could make things much easier. This isn't a typical pratice, but Tracey, the head nurse on grave-yard, knows I've become close to "Emma", and wanted to make things as easy on her as possible.

So, I stumbled out of bed, and headed for the hospital. She was hysterical. I went to her and held her hand. She began to calm down after allowing me to give her a shot. I sat on her bed with her. I needed to find out what caused this episode. She's been doing so good since she's been in my care. She's really made progress, and her medications, they'd been working better than ever. She was still a little restless at night, but for the most part, had been pretty stable. Although I'm only a nurse, I had a strong feeling something other than her illness caused this breakdown.

Her "Baby Bobby". She's worried about him. She says she knows something wrong. Something's wrong with him. A mother always knows. I tried to re-assure her that Bobby is fine, and he'll call her first thing in the morning. She said when she spoke with him tonight, he didn't sound ok. He was worried, and she knew it. I wasn't sure how much was the illness taking over and worrying her, and how much was "a mother's intuition". I held her hand and talked to her, assuring her that her baby was going to be fine. Once the sedative set in, she drifted off to sleep. I sat with her for another hour, just making sure she was ok. She was sleeping so peacefully. I felt ok leaving her. I asked Tracey to place a call to her son in the morning, just to update him on her condition. Even though I haven't met him, he seems like a loving, concerned son, who would want to know about the happenings this evening.

I've never had a patient rely on me this much. I've had a lot of patients who preferred me to care for them, but I've never had one screaming for me in the middle of the night. Although, this is the first time I've ever cared for someone extensively. I understand now why we're not rotated. Our patients have a comfort zone. They become comfortable with us, they rely on us for their safety and well-being. I'm glad I'm able to provide this for "Emma".

Now, it's close to 3:00am, and I'm not anywhere near sleepy. I have to be at work in a few hours, with a long shift to pull. I've got to get some sleep. But tonight, it's just not my friend...