How?

How could this happen? Why would someone be so cruel to an innocent old woman? She didn't deserve what she was put through, and I wasn't there to protect her. I've beaten myself up all night over that. I should've been there for her. Should've doesn't count. Should've doesn't change things- it doesn't make them go away. I didn't see her son. I can only imagine how distraught he was, anger, anxiety, sorrow, guilt- every emotion that he went through having to see his mother strapped down, sedated out of her mind. I wish I could've been there for him, I wish I could take his pain. He entrusted the staff of Carmel Ridge to protect her, to care for her- For God's sake- I took a pledge to "protect- to do no harm"... and I failed miserably. I feel so responsible. I just, I feel like such a failure. I don't even know this man, but I feel as if I've failed him as well.

I'd thought about going back to the hospital. I couldn't protect "Emma", I couldn't provide the care she deserved. Maybe I'm not where I'm supposed to be? I don't know. If she didn't depend on me, it would be so easy. I could walk away. Not look back. But I won't. I've got to stop running. I ran away from Tennessee, I'm running from Bobby, but I can't run away from "Emma". I made a promise to her- and even if it kills me, I will keep it. Cigarettes: 27, I might as well not even count anymore.