Needed...

After feeling like a complete ass, a phone call from some dear friends was a blessing. After losing someone dear to me, and finding out I wasn't exactly what I thought I was to someone else, the last thing I needed to do was sit at home. Ginger, a nurse from my old hospital called me tonight. She and a few of the other nurses were going out, and wanted to touch base with me. It was a welcome, and much needed invitation. I certainly didn't want to sit here all night long thinking and wondering what I did wrong. I gladly accepted. I got ready to go out on the town.

As I was putting on my clothes, the phone rang. Sure enough, it was Bobby. I just didn't feel like talking to him right then, so I let the machine get it. I'll get around to calling him sometime later. Ginger couldn't wait to hear all of the details. We found a booth in the back of the bar where I proceeded to catch Ginger, Nikia, and Kim about everything that had happened with Bobby over the past couple of months. After hearing about how things had been going, they were a little surprised that I wasn't out with him tonight.

I explained that he only saw me as a friend, and felt I was too young and inexperienced. Nikia put my ass in it's place. "Sister, you ain't Scarlet' O'Hara, and you ain't living in the Old South, you have to take what you want, you can't be expectin' no man in NYC to read your mind". Is it really that simple? Is it honestly, that HE thinks that I am not interested? Hmmmmmmmm, you know, that never even occurred to me? I thought it was more than painfully obvious. I mean, I kissed the man like I wanted to jump his bones, but I've never outright said, I really want something more than friendship.

I don't know. I need to step back. There are a lot of things to consider. I do want him, I do want more than a friendship. I am strong and independent. I know what I want, but I'm not going to force myself onto a man who's not interested in me. I'll spend some time away from him. He's under a lot right now, and probably won't miss me too much.

I enjoyed the rest of my night. It was so good to spend time with my friends. I hadn't really been out in awhile. We had a few drinks and sang karaoke. Everyone knows how much I love to sing. I sang Material Girl and Like a Virgin. I was on a Madonna kick tonight! I need to get out more often. I really miss the hospital. Being at Carmel Ridge is great. I love the care I'm able to provide for my patients, but I miss the social aspect as well as the challenge presented in a hospital. Something else I'm excited about, Ginger is teaching ballet and jazz two nights a week, and could use an extra instructor. She asked if I'd be interested. I would LOVE to! I miss dance, and with the years of experience I have, she knew I'd make a wonderful instructor. I'll be starting with that on tuesday. I've got a lot of good things that will be happening for me.