Floating Between...

Have you ever had one of those days where you constantly feel like you're floating between consciousness and unconsciousness? It's the strangest feeling. I barely remember working. The drive to Carmel and back- a complete blur. In spite of the "Chuck" drama, I've managed to keep myself somewhat sane. That's not to say that the guilt isn't still there, because it is- but I'm taking things day by day. One day at a time.

I got home to find the answering machine beeping at me loudly. Damn. I just wanted a few minutes of peace and quiet to gather my thoughts and clear my cloudy mind. Three messages from Chuck. Three. Although, one, did actually make me feel better. I think it probably took up over half of the memory on my answering machine. He apologized for being such an insensitive ass. He admitted saying things to intentionally hurt me because he felt rejected. He wasn't used to dating a woman like me *where I have heard this one before?*. Anyway, to make a really long story short, he was basically asking for forgiveness.

Yes, Chuck is an ass. We all know it. As warped as this is going to sound, I do have a soft spot for him. I know getting back together with him is not the right thing to do, but I would like for him to know I can forgive him for the horrible things he said. I'm not looking for drama, a one night stand, or marriage from this man. However, he was my "first", and will always have a special place in my heart, even if he's not the love of my life.

I called Susan, letting her hear the message he left. Of course, Susan wasn't quite as forgiving as I was after hearing it. I was on the phone with her a good thirty minutes before she stopped using language that wasn't suitable for those under 17 years of age. Yes, basically she called him everything but a white man. I can't blame her. We were the same way about Shane, and Wes, and... I won't go on. You get the picture.

So much for getting some "Chloe' Time" today. While talking to Susan, she informed me that she and Maria had spoken to Deborah, Carly, and Mia, and tonight, we were going out for a "girls night out". Ok, sounds like fun. It's been a long time since we've been out- just the girls. A nice dinner and a few drinks- probably some men bashing and gossip. Just what I need to get out of this funk I'm in... I'm seriously thinking of going on the patch, had anyone tried it? Cigarette prices are obscene in New York!