Sometimes It's Strange...

How things turn out. A short time ago, I was running from Bobby. Cussing him for driving me insane. For not making the move I wanted him to make. For not being mine. I prayed so hard, baffled by what I was doing wrong. I couldn't fathom why we never made a connection. It wasn't the right time. It was the right place. Not the right time. Almost three months later, we're definitely great friends. We have so much fun together. I can talk to him so easily. I feel as if I've known him my entire life. The most important thing, we make each other smile. We're constantly laughing. With our careers, it's important to laugh often. With what see on a daily basis, laughter is a welcome distraction. As quick as we begin to laugh, we can turn and be dead serious. Words don't have to be exchanged. It's understood. Honestly, it scares me sometimes.

He and I have been on one date. We've had a few deep conversations, and made a deep connection. I know how apprehensive he is of me. It's almost, as if he's scared. Like, he wants it so bad he can taste it, but he holds back. I understand. I know his track record, well, most of it anyway. He told me about several on the way to the Pencil Bar the other night. I knew about his family, both from speaking to him, and "Emma". Bobby's had a hard life. Love is something he was rarely given. Any form of affection or attention given to him, is deeply appreciated. Which brings me to today.

I called him as he was leaving work. I could tell by the sound of his voice he didn't feel half as well as he tried telling me he did. I told him I had fixed a nice pot of soup, and was coming over to "take care of him"- AKA: Feed him, make sure he has his medicine, try to put him in bed at a decent hour. His eyes were so weak when he answered the door, but they lit up the moment he saw me. My heart absolutely melted. I took the soup in and warmed him a bowl. He was so hungry. He had eaten like he'd never seen food before. He mentioned that his partner had brought him in some soup as well. I had to laugh, all of the women in his life know how to cure everything- with soup! I must admit, he wasn't the happiest camper when I took his cigarettes away, and told him to take off his shirt.

Get your minds out of the gutter, this is strictly professional. Ok, yes, I admit, I did enjoy seeing him bare chested VERY much, but that wasn't what was supposed to happen! I did a series of back massages to help loosen any mucus that may be laying dormant in his lungs. Then, the part he was dreading. Vicks. Yes, you heard me correctly. I grabbed a took a good handful of Vicks vapor rub, and massaged it well into his chest. I wasn't able to look into his eyes. I've done this more times that I can count to patients, but this- this was Bobby. I was rubbing his chest. I know my face had to be as red as a beet! I tried so hard to be professional, thinking of everything from my grocery list to did I fill Morris' water bowl. After making sure I had a nice coat on, I covered it with a towel, and helped him put his t-shirt back on. That was one of the best/most awkward moments of my life.

He was so thankful for everything. It made my heart bleed for him. It's as if he'd never had anyone do anything for him. I just wanted to take him and hold him- never let him go. I wanted to make him feel safe and secure, something he's only heard about. I feel so strongly for him, but I have to keep my feelings in check. I don't know how he feels, and God knows I don't want to push him. I would never do that. He's in my life, and that's what's important, no matter what does or doesn't happen.


At last the skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped in clover
The night I looked at you

I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I could call my own
I found a thrill to press my cheek to
A thrill that I have never, never known

Oh, you smiled
And then the spell was cast...