The Breathless Fantasy...

There's A Fine Line Between Fantasy And Reality... I'm Dancing On That Line

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Location: New York, The Big Apple, United States

My heart guides me, but my mind always finds me..... "I could be in the street, I could be on a train, Or struck in some doorway down, In the pouring rain, Now there is not one place, That doesn't feel like home...."

Thursday, June 29, 2006

What Were The Chances?

Of me seeing... Well. I'll get to that later. First, how long has it been since I've actually had a night out? A night where I forgot about all that is troubling me? A night where I got to be single, young and free? Unfortunately, longer than I'd like to admit. Amongst the angst and depression that I've been through in the past few months, it all melted away in a matter of hours.

Since Maria and Cody have been back together, it's almost as if she's a ghost. We rarely see, much less hear from her. However, tonight, she picked up the phone and made a long, overdue call. A call to say, it's been too long- and 515 is waiting. What the hell? I have some great memories from 515, after all, that's where I met... Ok, we'll just leave that alone for now.

I felt daring, bold. I knew I had to get out and live once more. I put on my classiest black dress, and my favorite pair of Manolo Blahniks. Of course, no outfit is complete without a spritz of Addict. I hailed a cab, and was on my way.

As I walked through the doors of my old, familiar haunt, it was a rush of nostalgia. Memories flooded my memories or the drinks, laughs, and love that I shared here. Gazing around the bar, half of me hoped I'd see Bobby, but the other half knew it just wasn't going to happen. I saw Maria and Susan sitting at our old table in the back. They had already ordered drinks. It was going to be one hell of a night...

And what a night it was. Drinks. Laughs. Memories- all shared over Jack and Coke, A Dry Martini, and a few shots of random liquors. We talked about the first time we darkened the doors of 515. What a night it was. It's funny how one single moment can change the course of your life. How one, single, conversation can ignite in you a fire that can never be extinguished. I didn't want this feeling to end. I didn't want to leave. The night couldn't already be over.

3:30am. Last call. We shared one last toast- to us. To who we are, and how far we've come. Closing time. We were on our way out into the hot New York night. I was a little more than tipsy as I hailed a cab. Waiting in the pale lights of the city, I felt a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, I saw a familiar face. A face that was broken, but had not yet given up. A face that I had grown to love, yet had caused me so much pain. A face of a love that I could not have, but had within my grasp so many times. The only man who will ever hold my heart.

"This ride is on me," he said with a smile. Getting into the cab, we went to my apartment. This was long overdue. Cigarettes: You guess, 'cause I'm not telling.

Friday, June 16, 2006

What Does It Take?

What does it take for us to realize just what we have? Do we always have to lose it, or let it slip away from us to realize that maybe things weren't half as bad as we thought they were? Why is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all? Is it really worth all the heartache and the agony we go through after losing someone we love, for whatever reason it may be, to become a "better person?" What exactly is it that makes us a better person? Can't we be good without going through the cycle of loss?

Why can't we just learn to be happy in the here and now, no matter what life has thrown at us? I'm sure it's because we always want more. More love. More money. More power. More sex. More respect. More everything.

Here's A Toast To Those Who Hear Me All Too Well...

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Words To Live By...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one
person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down
probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably
more than once and it's harder every time. You'll
break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours
was broken.

You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll
eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been
hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Breathing... Again


It's been a long time since I've posted- really posted. I know. Everyone goes through it. It's like, going through the motions, day in, and day out. You lose sight of your life, because you're too busy simply surviving. Surviving is no way to live. You lose who you are, what you're about- what you desire most in life. I know what I desire, and whom I desire. I'm going to get it back. Get it ALL back. I remember who Chloe' Gardner is, and so will everyone else when all is said and done.




  • Not A Typical Night...
  • Life- As I Know It...
  • Last Night...
  • Tonight...
  • Wednesday Night...
  • Run Baby Run...
  • I Can't Believe It...
  • Now That I'm Relatively Calm...
  • One Beautiful Sunday...
  • Dreams Do Come True...
  • Most Wonderful Night...
  • Most Magical Night Of My Life...
  • What Were The Chances...
  • Time Heals All Wounds...
  • Sparkling Sangria...


  • MySpace Icon Collage


  • The Pirate King...
  • Mikey's Subway Chick...
  • Olivia AKA: Elliot's Woman...
  • Elliot Stabler...
  • The Woman Who Has To Deal With Mike...
  • Support From Day One...
  • Paranoid Detective...
  • My Aunt Is Not As Old As This Man...
  • A Dear, Precious Friend...
  • Life...As I Know It...
  • My Penguin Pal...
  • Displaced New Yorker...
  • Amy...
  • Janice...
  • Deb...
  • Faye...
  • Jules...
  • Hannala...
  • A Year In The Life Of...
  • Let Me Go On And On...
  • Inspiration Comes Easy...
  • Kara's Place...
  • Nights in Rodanthe...
  • Malcolm's Page...
  • Castle Shima...
  • Agape...
  • Betty On The Beach...
  • Sunshine Lipstick...
  • Go With The Flow...
  • Slackers With Advanced Degrees...
  • Hollow...
  • The Wildest Woman I Know...
  • Nice Guys Finish Last...
  • Musings & Mad Ramblings...
  • Another Very Dark Place...
  • Laura Elizabeth...
  • Suzanne...
  • Lorrie...
  • Tess...
  • Never Forget...
  • In Memory...